He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
