ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
