I just cut my nipple shaving
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
