His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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