That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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