i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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