So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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