I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
You left your underwear on the fireplace
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Did you pee in the oven last night??
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
