terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
