His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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