i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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