Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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