You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
