One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
