Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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