I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
