You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Did I show you my penis last night?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Shitshow foam night was such a success
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
