Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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