Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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