Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Randomize
