The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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