oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
