i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
