Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
