My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
