you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
