Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
