One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
