Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
