try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
