Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
