Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
