I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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