You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
This house was built for laser tag.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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