I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You took a bar mat shot.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
