So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
