Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
