This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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