Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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