I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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