I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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