are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
