thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
