I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize
