fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
