Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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