Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
