i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
