I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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