After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
