I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
