can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
