my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
