i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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