totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
