today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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