Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
