new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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