sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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